❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Middle aged Man enthusiast .
Hey! I'm Mana, or Alex, a derpy queer fanboy residing in Vancouver. I'm an artist, cosplayer, and oldermansexual (with an avid love for silver foxes)
Lover of Hannibal, Hanna's not a boys name, Tarantino Films, The Avengers, Sherlock Holmes stuff, Misfits, Star Trek, Doctor Who, etc etc
ho do be an adult
we just don’t know
Hey guys! I’ve been avoiding making a post like this for a while cause I’m a marshmallow, yanno me, nervous about sharing my squishy personal things. But I thought with everyone scratching their heads and not being sure how to talk about me, I’d make a post about it. I can’t explain all my feelings, but I’ll try to give a VERY basic explanation, yanno?
If you’ve known me for any of my life you’ve probably noticed I’m comfortable, happy, and confident when I’m masculine or boyish. I’ve pretty much always felt like this, but lately as I’ve gotten older my discomfort with not having… well, a guys body, has slowly gotten worse. Like. I kinda wish I could convey to you how atrocious it feels. I know a lot of you on here understand how it feels, but it’s hard to explain that feeling to someone who hasn’t experienced it. It kinda sucks. (le understatement hah)
I’m pretty good at keeping my negative feelings to myself, but I’ve been going through a lot lately. I don’t like to complain! I’m just letting you guys know that this isn’t some new realization that happened this minute, it’s something I’ve been sorting through years of junk and garbage to get to over the last little bit. I’ve been struggling with the bad feelings about this since probably…puberty? And I’ve only been able to actually start to deal with any of it since about…nine months ago I think.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me and my feelings cause I’m bad at explaining things! I’m scared of people thinking I’m choosing this for any reason cause if I could choose how I feel I’d choose not to feel uncomfortable in my own body, hah. That would be nice but yeah. I’ve been awkward talking about it cause I don’t label myself anything.
If you’ve found a label that fits you perfectly, that’s awesome! I’m just not good at that cause feelings can change and I don’t like putting myself in a box of something I don’t quite fit. If I suddenly feel happy being a girl one day, which I don’t think I’ve ever felt so that would be strange, I wouldn’t want to limit my happiness because of a label I’ve given myself.
So I don’t really feel trans, or genderqueer, or genderfluid.
Though if I HAD to label it anything, genderqueer fits a lot better on me than trans…but yeah, I just don’t like labels in general! I just feel like I’m in limbo if that makes sense.
I feel like a guy, a derpy guy, and sometimes I feel less like a guy on a bad day. But even when my body hates me extra hard on a particular day, I don’t really feel like a girl, not in my head and my heart at least. I dunno why I feel like this, it’s just. How I feel? How I’ve pretty much always felt. Gender’s a wibbly thing.
I know I wasn’t supposed to be born fully male cause honestly I don’t think I’d have the same friends and be the same person I am today. I believe things happen for a reason. I dunno why I’m like this, but it’s just something I deal with and I try my best to keep myself as happy and comfortable being me as I can.
All I know is male pronouns, male clothes, and being viewed as a boy? It makes me immensely happy. Not cause I want to BE a boy. But…because…I already feel like one. And when someone says “He” or “Sir” it’s like they see beyond all this stuff that makes me insecure and uncomfortable and they see me.
And I’m not a perfect guy. So, so, so far from it. I don’t feel like a man much. I just feel like this derpy boy lost in all this weird junk and this strange mismatched brain/body connection.
So I’m not a stereotypical guy at ALL. I’m not a MAN MAN MANLY MAN, just a Mana.
I’m a pretty chill person though. People can call me whatever and as long as they’re not doing it to purposely hurt me, then I’m pretty quiet about it. But if you really want to make me feel confident and happy and you do try to use male pronouns? It means a lot; it means the WORLD to me. That someone would care that much to change something like how they address me to make me feel comfortable, that’s amazing to me. I’m amazed at the support I have been given by my coworkers and friends. I’m not totally “out” yet if that makes sense, I’m still a tomboy to most, and that’s okay. But I know a lot of my friends are using male pronouns now and that means so much to me. Just so you guys aren’t confused why they’re doing it I wrote all this.
AHHHHH THIS POST, It’s so rambley I’M SORRY. But I made this list to help you guys understand my feelings on pronouns.
He, his, him:
Comfortable, Happy, generally fuzzy feelings like “this fits right”
Gentleman, Sir, Mr, guy, man, king, prince, boy, little man etc:
Heart feels like it’s bursting out my chest, I LOVE these, just. Even if you still use female pronouns, please try and use these for any secondary stuff, it makes me feel amazingly confident.
She, hers, her:
A little awkward, but I can deal pretty well depending on the situation.
I don’t really enjoy them but a lot of people use them so it’s just something I’m used to.
Madame, Ma’am, miss, chick, lady, queen, princess, girl, girly etc:
These are the worst. Seriously, I won’t mind if you use female pronouns still, but PLEASE,
these make me really, really uncomfortable. I won’t get angry but I will be upset if you use
these knowing how I feel.
Anyways there’s probably a million more things I needed to write about, I can just write more later, heck it’s tumblr. But yeah, I hope this makes sense. Thanks for all your love and support guys, it means a lot. If you have any questions feel free to ask, though if it’s waaaaaay too personal or flat out mean, I won’t reply yeah?
I’m pretty chill when it comes to shit, I’m not gonna FREAK OUT if you use female pronouns, so please don’t feel pressured to switch. But I wanted to be honest with you guys where I’m at~
Thanks for everything